how many breakups make you a failure?

[Stephanie Klein]

At a certain point you have to stop and ask yourself why your relationships aren't always working out as you'd hoped. All too often I've asked the magazine cover of a question and felt like a failure just in the thinking. "What if it doesn't work out?" When will I get it right? When will someone love me that I actually love back? I spent so much time at that place, those thoughts of self-doubt and blame. When is it your fault? When should you stop and examine who you are vs. "I'm not a failure at this just because we didn't work out"???

[Michelle]

I think you have to look at everything as a learning process. In my failed relationships before marriage (and there were many) I took something away from each one and applied that lesson going forward. I learned I was: needy, jealous, spoiled, irresponsible, always looking for a back up plan, trying to get back at the pain caused me by an ex-abusive boyfriend, and too eager to be "in love" with whoever would show me affection. I think once you realize these things, and believe me, it takes time, you can focus more on having fun and loving yourself, and eventually Mr. Right will find you. I try not to think of my past failed relationships as anyone's fault, just bad timing and lack of life experiences to apply the knowledge I feel I now have. I hope this makes sense!!

[sam92077]

I don't think you are ever a failure because your relationships don't work out. I think if you are a person who wants to be in a relationship and you haven't been successful, there is a point where you have to evaluate your own thoughts and behaviors in your previous relationships. But a relationship is a two-way street. It takes two to make it and two to fail.

[TSDK]

I don't think it's the number of break-ups, I think it's the circumstances of the break-up and the people breaking up with you (or vice versa). If you look at your track record and it's basically the same person/same circumstances pretty much, every time, it's not necessarily that you're "failure", but that it's time for some therapy and introspection. I think people are their own worst enemy sometimes and just don't learn their lessons.

I used to go for the guy who was emotionally unavailable. I was the one doing all the work, trying to live a certain way because I thought that's how it's "supposed" to be. Sort of like the movie, "About Last Night" (Demi Moore, Rob Lowe, Jim Belushi). I just thought it would all work itself out. The guys were selfish/self-involved and I just ignored it. Till I learned my lesson. Now, I'm married to someone who couldn't be MORE the opposite of those guys. But, learning all that came with age and maturity. That's why I don't think anyone should get married til they're 30!!