What kinds of things did you learn about yourself after your last breakup?

[sam92077]

I think I'm learning that I tend to forget a little of me when I'm in a relationship and I need to remember me and keep the me part strong in the us. When I separated from my husband, it took me a few months to remember who I was. It was quite a bit unsettling.

I also learned how much I love my friends.

[TSDK]

Sort of like you, I'd say I learned to always have my own identity, keep my friends, keep my social life/circle and never just be 100% totally immersed in my relationship. It doesn't take away from my marriage- it adds to it because I have more to bring to the table. I also learned not to accept life for what it gives it- life is what YOU make of it. If you don't like the way things are going, then don't just sit and pout or fight- find a way, early on, and change it. When I look back on old relationships, I'm embarassed at some of the crap I put up with just to avoid a fight.

[Sara P]

After my last breakup, I learned how to listen to the queues that are inside telling me what I do and do not want, even if they aren't favorable in the short-term. Now, when I go on dates/meet new guys, I listen to those queues that I ignored in my last relationship to save the time and trouble.

I also learned that the friends who were vocal in their opposition to the last relationship were the ones I punished most severely by pushing them aside so I could go on lying to myself. This was a lesson for sure. I can't depend on my friends to decide what I do, but I need to be a strong enough person to have faith in relationships so I don't need to lock people out that challenge them. If my relationship was truly a good one, I could have defended it. Instead, I ran away. And that's a tell-tale sign for sure.

I also learned that jealous types are not the type for me. I can be wanted in my next relationship without feeling like there's an egg timer on my freedom. I love to feel wanted and missed and needed - but in the future, I will get these feelings from a relationship that challenges me and lets me live my own life and a man who has his own life, too.

This is a good question. It's nice to process it. Good luck in your future relationships and love.

[Heather]

I learned to not put all of my eggs in one basket and never be so dependent on another person. I realized how important it is to have your own career, your own friends, your own life to fall back on. Your life should never revolve 100% around another person, and you NEVER know what could happen. I guess sometimes it really is better to be selfish and make the decisions that are best for YOU.

[Lanae]

I mostly learned that I don't listen to the early signs that we aren't going to work out. I get caught up in my hopes for us and don't really see that he doesn't fit those hopes. My last boyfriend got a weekly haircut and more manicures than I did, however, I thought that we would go backpacking across Europe,staying in hostels. Recognizing a person for who they are instead of trying to fit them to what you want...that is what I learned after my last relationship.